Dizzy

I keep waiting to write about this till I am feeling less hopeless and grouchy on the subject. But it has been over a month and I am still struggling. 

The day I got off of the cruise my family took last month, I felt dizzy. When I sat down I felt like the boat was still rocking. Sometimes when I walked I felt like I was drunk. My balance was completely off. Every day that has passed I think to myself that this is going to go away on its own. But it hasn't. The only way I have been able to manage every day is to ignore it as much as possible. But by the evening I usually feel worse and all cross-eyed. 

I received a priesthood blessing from Joel and my dad about a week and a half into this. In the blessing my dad said that this was temporary which was a comfort at first. Since the blessing I have thought about that word a lot. "Temporary" is a very frustrating word. It could mean any amount of time, really. Bleh. 

Before going to the doctor, Joel and I discovered a possible diagnosis for me. We were watching TV and the program began describing something called "Disembarkment Syndrome". It was described as people who get off of cruise ships and they experience feeling like they are still on the boat rocking. These people's brain adjusted to the rocking of the boat, but then can't re-adjust to the solid ground. Driving and movement like it are comfortable for these people because they are in motion. I turned to Joel during this show and said, "this is what I have." After reading more online I was angry. This happens to very few people and is very rare. Not a lot is known about it, therefore there is no treatment. It can last for weeks, months or YEARS!!

This motivated me to go in and talk to my doctor. Since then I have done a lot of testing and been in to a Hearing and Balance Center, an ENT and I have begun physical therapy. Two different professionals have diagnosed me with this ridiculous syndrome which feels like a life sentence of dizziness. I rarely ask myself this question, but. . . Why me?! 

I am really struggling. My hope is so small at this point. I just feel like i have had my share of difficulty and trials and I have tried to carry those with faith and love for God. But sometimes I feel like I have enough on my plate!! How can something like this be added? I feel guilty for even saying it. 

For now I am going to go to physical therapy and will try to not over schedule myself. My family needs all the energy I can give them.

One positive: in the blessing my dad gave me, he (out of the blue) mentioned that Joel and I would serve as missionary companions in spreading the gospel. This was a great comfort to me. I have struggled with the idea of being able to ever do this, knowing that Lily could still require our care as she gets older.

A Little Magnet

I love this photo of Lily. It really captures her happy, sweet personality.

A few days ago I was leaving the Dr.'s office with Lily. (She is on her 2nd UTI in a month and we were working with her labs. Bleh!) Side note: last time we were doing labs there, Lily made friends with a woman who has cancer, asking her why she doesn't have any hair. Sounds bad, but they had a very nice conversation and had quite a few people listening in.

Anyway, as we were going out of the building I took the opportunity to encourage Lily work on independence. I had her push the button for the door, push her wheelchair over the door thresholds and down the sidewalk and finally down the little ramp into the street. She needs encouragement but does it all very well. Now I am realizing she's old enough to learn street safety. So I had her look both ways and encouraged her to watch for cars pulling out in the parking lot. Just as we began moving through the lot a car showed signs of backing out. So I pointed the car out to Lily and she stopped and waited. The driver saw us and waved us on. So we went ahead and got safely to our car. 

As I was about to load her into her seat, that same car pulled up and the man leaned over and called out, "Bless you little girl!" He shared that he has had to use a wheelchair off and on in his own life from the time he was young and wished her all the best. 

Sometimes I forget what a bright little light I have for company all the time. She is a magnet for friendship and kindness.

Cruising with my family

My parents celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary with all of their children and their spouses on a cruise to Alaska this July. We all really enjoyed the time together. Joel and I felt so blessed to be able to be a part of such a special event with all of my immediate family. My parents are great examples to us. They continue to bless our lives every day. I also love my brother and sisters and their spouses. They make great company and friends. 

 This was the formal night on the cruise. We celebrated my parents' anniversary that night. Joel and I sang The Hawaiian Wedding Song at dinner and we gave my parents some thoughtful gifts.

 This is one of my favorite moments on the trip. My dad and my brother were laughing at me by the way. :) So glad I snapped these pictures.

We walked Butchart Gardens with Mike and Shawna on our last night. They make great company. We loved spending time with them on this trip. Our rooms were next to each other and we opened the door between our patios so we could visit and hang out in the day. Our shared decks ended up being the happening hang out for everyone in the family most days.

 Another dress-up dinner night. So great to spend time together.

The night we celebrated my parents' anniversary.  

Most of us up near the mountain pass between Alaska and Canada. 

 The sisters.

I was so excited to see this seal out on an iceberg along the Tracy Arm Fjord.  

We took a little hike in Juneau to this big waterfall called Nugget Falls. 

We also got a closer look at Mendenhall Glacier. 

One of the most beautiful places I have seen on earth - Tracy Arm Fjord. The boat cruised all throughout this narrow passage for hours on our way to Juneau. There were beautiful waterfalls along the mountains going into the ocean as well as big, beautiful pieces of ice in the water. The feeling on the boat was so solemn, quiet and reverent as we all stood wide-eyed witnessing the beauty around us. After watching on the upper decks with Joel for a while, we returned to our room and sat out on our deck with Mike and Shawna. I insisted that we sing hymns (because we make a perfect quartet - SATB) and this became a very sweet moment for me. "Nearer My God to Thee" turned out to be one of our best. My mom and dad and Becca ended up joining us and singing as well.

We went kayaking in Ketchikan with Becca, Emily, Amy and Rudy. I loved this. 

We saw eagles, eagle nests, starfish and a seal! 

Making new friends comes easy

Lily has begun talking to strangers everywhere we go. She has made friends in restaurants, in long lines, in waiting rooms, at the airport etc. Last week we were at a restaurant at the Gateway and she made friends with a girl a few tables over. Joel snapped a picture of them together and we sent the picture to her phone. Later that day she asked permission to share the photo on her blog. Her write-up is pretty cute. It is a sweet description of Lily's friendly and happy personality.

Click on this link:

http://heidikins.com/2013/07/10/alphabet-soup-l-lily/

Eryn's Published Book

Eryn wrote and illustrated this sweet book in Mrs. Kelly's class this year. It is worth sharing.

Story Hour

I did a Birthday themed story hour with the kids today. Essie's bday is tomorrow so we thought we'd celebrate a little early. I always choose like 3 too many books. But I figure we are still making memories and I am trying to do something that is good for the kids.

Visit from the Guillen Family

The Guillen family came for a visit this week as they dropped their oldest daughter off at EFY. I love them so much. It has been a real treat for me to spend time with them. I lived with them for 6 months in Guatemala on my mission. He was bishop at the time (he was only 28 yrs old) and they were so kind to me. Looking back I realize that I felt really lonely being away from my home and family for so long. They became a great comfort to me. This year Gustavo's mom passed away. She was a rock of faith in their home and a big example to me. I loved her very much as well.

Jojo and their son Luis Eduardo got along really well. I am also excited any chance I get to get to know their daughters better. I knew Laura when she was 2 years old and they named their second daughter Melanie after me.

It is amazing to me how the older I get the more beautiful these kinds of relationships become. 

Summer So Far

Summer 2013 has been very nice so far. The best part has been having an open schedule. Each day the kids are doing chores, a little school work, exercising, and reading. They are each growing so fast. I have a feeling I won't have too many more unscheduled summers like this one.

We started the summer by celebrating Joel and Eryn's birthdays. Eryn had a cooking party with a few good friends. Joel ran the waffle station and I oversaw the cupcake decorating. The kids were all stuffed at the end of the party! This year Eryn has proven to be really responsible, a good friend and a great student. I love her very much!

A few days after school was out we went on a trip to California. Joel had a work conference that included some family activities, so we went along. We did one day at Disneyland and a day at the San Diego Safari Zoo. We swam in the pool quite a bit. I really think our family is the most happy when we swim and play together. It was a great trip.

We've had our share of doctor appointments and hospital visits already. Eryn had a check-up with her specialist in Urology towards the end of the school year and then again after our trip. (She is pictured below eating her traditional donut at the hospital cafeteria). We will go back again before school starts. She is doing very well. We are just working with her on some new schedules, skills and habits related to her bladder and kidneys. 

Lily's been in to Shriners for fittings for her braces. Hopefully we will bring home her HKFO's after her  three hour appointment this week and start working on some physical therapy again. I took Lily in to the Emergency Room last weekend. She had a high fever for about 5 days along with vomiting. We were concerned that she was not holding anything down and that she was getting dehydrated. She was so nauseated that she was dry heaving off and on throughout the day. Of course worries about her shunt were at the back of our minds. At one point the doctors insisted on examining her shunt through x-ray and c-scan, but tests were clear (phew!). They ended up keeping her overnight for observation and figured out that she had a virus called the Adenovirus. We were sent home the next day even though she was still feverish and nauseated, knowing she would improve within the next three days. Thankfully she has recovered and is feeling better. That whole thing was pretty rough on me. Thankfully family and friends gave us great support (as usual) through babysitting, meals, phone calls etc. I am always reminded how blessed we are when things like this happen.

P.S. We were back in to the dr. office again this week with a bladder infection. Now she's on antibiotics. Sometimes it feels like this stuff never ends. . . I'm glad she is cooperating and taking her medicine, though.

We made it up to one of my favorite places in Utah for family night last week: Silver Lake. Emily's family came with us for their first time. It was so relaxing, cool and beautiful. We also stopped at Hidden Falls on the way down the canyon. Utah's mountains really are so  beautiful! 

I've been doing weekly story hours for my kids this summer. I have always loved going to story hour at the library with my kids, but since moving to Utah it has been less appealing because of the large crowds. So, doing it on my own for my kids has become a nice way to keep the numbers small. I have also really enjoyed the opportunity to research, choose the books and prepare.

We celebrated the 4th of July very happily this year with swimming, 

a family BBQ and a neighborhood party. 

Halloween 2012

The kids had a great Halloween. Lily got to wear her costume practically all day because of preschool and kindermusik. She cracked us all up in that wig. In the morning I made her just wear a ribbon in her hair then in the evening she went all out with the black wig. She would wear that thing all day if we let her. My sister's kids are pictured here with mine on our front porch. 

When Eryn announced to me that she was going to be a blue bird for Halloween I was not sure how we were going to work this out. All of the costumes online were lame. So we made this one up. She was happy with it, although some people asked if she was a peacock.

Joseph was Babo Fett from Star Wars, Eryn was a blue bird, Anna was Alice in Wonderland and Lily was Snow White.

Halloween Party

My parents threw a really cute Halloween party for the grandkids last weekend. My dad dressed up as Dracula and my mom wore her "I'm Batty" hat she used to wear when she was a high school teacher. They did so many games and activities including a spook alley in their basement hallway. The kids really had a great time. They were also high on candy by the end! Ha!