Dizzy

I keep waiting to write about this till I am feeling less hopeless and grouchy on the subject. But it has been over a month and I am still struggling. 

The day I got off of the cruise my family took last month, I felt dizzy. When I sat down I felt like the boat was still rocking. Sometimes when I walked I felt like I was drunk. My balance was completely off. Every day that has passed I think to myself that this is going to go away on its own. But it hasn't. The only way I have been able to manage every day is to ignore it as much as possible. But by the evening I usually feel worse and all cross-eyed. 

I received a priesthood blessing from Joel and my dad about a week and a half into this. In the blessing my dad said that this was temporary which was a comfort at first. Since the blessing I have thought about that word a lot. "Temporary" is a very frustrating word. It could mean any amount of time, really. Bleh. 

Before going to the doctor, Joel and I discovered a possible diagnosis for me. We were watching TV and the program began describing something called "Disembarkment Syndrome". It was described as people who get off of cruise ships and they experience feeling like they are still on the boat rocking. These people's brain adjusted to the rocking of the boat, but then can't re-adjust to the solid ground. Driving and movement like it are comfortable for these people because they are in motion. I turned to Joel during this show and said, "this is what I have." After reading more online I was angry. This happens to very few people and is very rare. Not a lot is known about it, therefore there is no treatment. It can last for weeks, months or YEARS!!

This motivated me to go in and talk to my doctor. Since then I have done a lot of testing and been in to a Hearing and Balance Center, an ENT and I have begun physical therapy. Two different professionals have diagnosed me with this ridiculous syndrome which feels like a life sentence of dizziness. I rarely ask myself this question, but. . . Why me?! 

I am really struggling. My hope is so small at this point. I just feel like i have had my share of difficulty and trials and I have tried to carry those with faith and love for God. But sometimes I feel like I have enough on my plate!! How can something like this be added? I feel guilty for even saying it. 

For now I am going to go to physical therapy and will try to not over schedule myself. My family needs all the energy I can give them.

One positive: in the blessing my dad gave me, he (out of the blue) mentioned that Joel and I would serve as missionary companions in spreading the gospel. This was a great comfort to me. I have struggled with the idea of being able to ever do this, knowing that Lily could still require our care as she gets older.

A Little Magnet

I love this photo of Lily. It really captures her happy, sweet personality.

A few days ago I was leaving the Dr.'s office with Lily. (She is on her 2nd UTI in a month and we were working with her labs. Bleh!) Side note: last time we were doing labs there, Lily made friends with a woman who has cancer, asking her why she doesn't have any hair. Sounds bad, but they had a very nice conversation and had quite a few people listening in.

Anyway, as we were going out of the building I took the opportunity to encourage Lily work on independence. I had her push the button for the door, push her wheelchair over the door thresholds and down the sidewalk and finally down the little ramp into the street. She needs encouragement but does it all very well. Now I am realizing she's old enough to learn street safety. So I had her look both ways and encouraged her to watch for cars pulling out in the parking lot. Just as we began moving through the lot a car showed signs of backing out. So I pointed the car out to Lily and she stopped and waited. The driver saw us and waved us on. So we went ahead and got safely to our car. 

As I was about to load her into her seat, that same car pulled up and the man leaned over and called out, "Bless you little girl!" He shared that he has had to use a wheelchair off and on in his own life from the time he was young and wished her all the best. 

Sometimes I forget what a bright little light I have for company all the time. She is a magnet for friendship and kindness.

Cruising with my family

My parents celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary with all of their children and their spouses on a cruise to Alaska this July. We all really enjoyed the time together. Joel and I felt so blessed to be able to be a part of such a special event with all of my immediate family. My parents are great examples to us. They continue to bless our lives every day. I also love my brother and sisters and their spouses. They make great company and friends. 

 This was the formal night on the cruise. We celebrated my parents' anniversary that night. Joel and I sang The Hawaiian Wedding Song at dinner and we gave my parents some thoughtful gifts.

 This is one of my favorite moments on the trip. My dad and my brother were laughing at me by the way. :) So glad I snapped these pictures.

We walked Butchart Gardens with Mike and Shawna on our last night. They make great company. We loved spending time with them on this trip. Our rooms were next to each other and we opened the door between our patios so we could visit and hang out in the day. Our shared decks ended up being the happening hang out for everyone in the family most days.

 Another dress-up dinner night. So great to spend time together.

The night we celebrated my parents' anniversary.  

Most of us up near the mountain pass between Alaska and Canada. 

 The sisters.

I was so excited to see this seal out on an iceberg along the Tracy Arm Fjord.  

We took a little hike in Juneau to this big waterfall called Nugget Falls. 

We also got a closer look at Mendenhall Glacier. 

One of the most beautiful places I have seen on earth - Tracy Arm Fjord. The boat cruised all throughout this narrow passage for hours on our way to Juneau. There were beautiful waterfalls along the mountains going into the ocean as well as big, beautiful pieces of ice in the water. The feeling on the boat was so solemn, quiet and reverent as we all stood wide-eyed witnessing the beauty around us. After watching on the upper decks with Joel for a while, we returned to our room and sat out on our deck with Mike and Shawna. I insisted that we sing hymns (because we make a perfect quartet - SATB) and this became a very sweet moment for me. "Nearer My God to Thee" turned out to be one of our best. My mom and dad and Becca ended up joining us and singing as well.

We went kayaking in Ketchikan with Becca, Emily, Amy and Rudy. I loved this. 

We saw eagles, eagle nests, starfish and a seal!